My Life is a Mess

I am a wife, mother, teacher and caregiver.

I cared for my parents for four years, and every once in a while, I mourn and grieve them to the point when I can’t function and want to escape. Sometimes, I feel like my life is a mess. Moreover, my father passed on January 12, 2022, and Mom April 30, 2022. They were under my care.

First, they were both at home, and I cared for Mom. Secondly, Dad’s first hip fracture was in January 2020 (the covid year). He recovered from that one eight months later. My life was a mess, but I kept it together. Thirdly, Dad broke his other hip 20 months later. Since I couldn’t take care of two, and as Dad was already thinking of assisted living, they decided to go to the one he chose. My life was a mess. As a consequence, my health and well-being deteriorated. Therefore, finding a chat early through my journey, talking about my ups and downs, my emotional health, and general questions most caregivers have, was my lifeboat as I felt I was swimming upstream.

Why do I think about them now? I cry out, “Why, Mama, Papa?” My parents consumed my life. This caregiving is a lot to carry for one person. I wanted and needed someone to talk to, and I found a place.

Life is a Mess-Long Distance Caregiving

Each caregiver’s journey is different; mine was probably pothole free compared to most. As I shared, someone listened, offered advice, was non-judgmental, and showed how much they cared. That was true of everyone who came through. And then there were times when the week was stress-free, and we shared recipes, talked about the weather, and had lighthearted conversations. Just as in real life when you are talking to a close friend.

I didn’t have a close friend. My family was 720 miles away. Also, we have two dogs. By air, I traveled back and forth. Actually, on my darkest days, I always had someone to turn to for advice or to vent. Hence, someone was online, and I could talk to someone wherever I happened to be at the time.
Did I mention the house fire? You may read about it here. That was a low point for the entire family.

If you are here, feel free to express yourself your frustrations, your successes, and what you perceive to be failures.

I found out I wasn’t the only person feeling this way. I started to blog privately and searched for help. After searching, I found a chat, it folded, and now our group has one of our own. Join us here.