We are caregivers. I started my journey when I retired in 2018. Dad asked for help, and I was willing to do it as often as possible, traveling back and forth before retiring. Caregiving has been a difficult road. After retiring, it was a full-time job.
It’s a difficult road, but I know I am not alone.
I learned I needed to remain healthy late in my journey. There was no time as my parents needed me more than ever. I didn’t make time for myself; I am not sure I could have. Self-Care was the advice I heard most often.
“You need to remain healthy yourself” was an often repeated phrase from friends and Mom. On the other hand, Dad would have panic attacks and suffer from anxiety whenever I was out of sight. I would need a nap, and I could hear Dad coming down the hallway (his walker wheel squeaked). Therefore, I would never really nap, but at least I put my feet up.
As my “job” became more difficult, I found a site that helped me and may help you the same way. This site is a free support system for those who have experienced what you are experiencing now.
Use The Live Chat To Connect With Someone Who Cares About What
You’re Going Through Today!
https://www.caregiveroc.org/tip-videos
Resentment and Guilt
Well-meaning friends often compliment the caregiver they know. They will say things like,
“You are doing a good job; you are an angel; stay positive, and take care of yourself’. A friend told me the advice was always well meant, and I always forced a smile, but inside, resentment flared.
Why do we feel resentment when our friends and family talk about what a good job we do as family caregivers? As I meet caregivers in our chatroom and other online settings: social media, and forums, I discovered that caregivers commonly feel resentment and guilt when they receive compliments for their hard work. I often did as I cared for my parents. Caregivers often feel like they don’t do enough to help or that the care provided is not enough, so when someone compliments them for their job, it can feel like an extra burden rather than a reward.
Some caregivers also experience guilt from not being able to do more for their loved ones, or they may feel like they are not genuinely doing enough and aren’t worthy of the compliments they receive. Additionally, due to the stress and strain of being a caregiver, the last thing some caregivers may want is to be given more attention or praise. With time I learned to accept the compliments for what they were, a testament to my faith that I was doing the best I could.
